Is There Anyone Less Interested Than Me?

About what, you ask?  Oh, you know, the Kardashians/Jenners/entourage/etc?  I’m guessing there isn’t anyone LESS interested, but I will allow that I most likely have a lot of company down here at subzero.


That Settles That

I watched the Royal Wedding.  Sort of.  No, I didn’t get up at 2 am to see it live – I just found the tape on YouTube and then skimmed through the slow parts (like 90 minutes of crowd scenes and another 40 minutes of a carriage ride).  I’m happy if they’re happy.

However, viewing this did cement a determination I made long ago:  if I marry, elopement is the way to go.  Not that any marriage of mine would even vaguely resemble the royal spectacle, but with elopement, you get much less fuss, bother and expense.

Yep, I’m all in for that.

Family Fun

I can’t understand why Meghan Markle wouldn’t want the vast majority of her extended family at her wedding.  After all, they seem like such warm, caring, selfless people, only interested in seeing her happy.

PSA: Answering Machines Explained

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…  No, wait, that’s a different story.

Ahem, let’s start over.  There seem to be a LOT of people out there who do not grasp the idea of answering machines.  Considering that voicemail is not appreciably different, I’m not sure what the problem is, but there is a problem.  So, in the interest of enlightening those poor, unfortunate souls, here’s the big secret that no one ever shared with them/you.

Answering machines came into being in the annals of history – well, the past 50 years, anyway.  They are pretty simple devices.  You attach them to a landline phone (that’s a phone that you can’t put in your pocket and carry around with you wherever you go).  Their purpose is to keep you from missing calls.  If someone calls you, and you are not at home, or are in the shower, or just stepped out to put the trash cans at the curb, you can come back to a blinking light letting you know someone called you.  Then you play a voice recording of their message to know who it was and what they wanted.  See?  Just like voicemail.

(Though, just like voice mail, they can be used to screen calls, in case there are people you don’t want to talk to, but that’s another subject altogether.)

So, when you call a friend’s cell phone and they don’t answer, a recording tells you to leave a message and then hang up.  Their phone lights up to tell them that they missed a call, and that a voice message was left.  Answering machines work exactly the same way.

NOTE:  And this is very important for you to understand – you are NOT talking to a person.  You are talking to a machine.  So saying, “Hi!  How are you today?” will avail you nothing.  Then following that up with, “Hello?  Hello?” still will avail you nothing.  Then hanging up and calling back probably won’t improve things.  Unless the person came home or decided to answer the phone on your second call, you are STILL going to be talking to a machine.  And unlike the robots in the movies, the machine is not going to talk back and have an intelligent conversation with you.

So, what have we learned?

When you call someone, and hear something along the lines of “Please leave a message after the beep/prompt/tone”, then you should leave a message and hang up.  Or hang up without leaving a message if talking to a machine that doesn’t respond scares you.

See?  Easy peasy!

Now stop calling my answering machine and trying to get it to respond to you.  It’s not C3PO or K-2SO.  You’re wasting your time expecting an answer.  These machines answer the phone; they do not give answers.  Though, come to think of it, having K-2SO answer my phone might liven things up…

Things I’ve Learned on my Stay-cation

  1. The newish neighbors in the next apartment like to play music rather loudly in the afternoon (at least, loud enough to be heard through the wall).
  2. Dan Gibson’s Solitudes CD “Pachelbel, Forever by the Sea” makes effective white noise to drown out said neighborly music so I can concentrate to read or write.
  3. Sometimes the stars all align and I manage to walk to the store, buy more daffodils (yay!) among other stuff, and get home before it starts raining.


Full disclosure:  The above are not the daffodils that I bought.  I was just too lazy to take a picture of them to post and I had this laying around.  (Besides which the ones I just got aren’t open yet.)

I’m Free!

Okay, only for a week, but still…  The hardest part about stay-cations, though, is not feeling like you must be productive.  It’s ‘vacation’ – I get to read, or write, or watch movies or do fun stuff.  If I was actually somewhere else other than home, I wouldn’t be thinking that I should do laundry, or clean the bathtub or any of the other mundane day-to-day tasks that we each have.  I’m allowed to have fun.  Whee!

Sure, I’ll probably still do some of the mundane – I doubt I can help myself in that regard – but I do intend to simply ‘enjoy’ this time also.

Here’s wishing all of you a little enjoyable breathing room as well in the near future.

Now excuse me, but I’m off to cook corned beef and cabbage.  After all, it is St. Patrick’s Day…

And This is Why We’re Writers

While most of the world looks around them, sees what is and accepts it, we ask ‘Why?’ or ‘What if…’.

For many of us it started at a young age.  An example, you ask?

Well, me – junior high school – science class.  They taught us about the discovery of pencillin when the guy was contemplating bread mold.  I forget the particulars now, but I’m sure he had some rational reason to equate moldy bread and the thought, “Wow – I bet I could make something from that to feed to or inject into people and help fight off illnesses!”

But, I digress.  He thought of it, it worked.  So far so good.

Even in those days, there was a writer lurking inside me.  Why?  What if?

So I went up to the teacher and posed what I thought was a completely reasonable question:  “If penicillin comes from bread mold, and you were sick and didn’t have any pencillin, could you eat moldy bread and have it help you?”

I suspect she still tells that story to anyone who will listen – this crazy kid in her 8th grade science class with the weird questions.  (Full disclosure:  this wasn’t the only question I’d asked…)

To her credit, she attempted an answer:  “I suppose it might help some, but I’m not sure you’d want to do that.”

Okay, thanks.

I wonder if she was glad when the school year ended and I moved to the next grade?

Why?  What if?  Maybe a story about a science teacher with a student who asks weird questions…

Wow, You Really Can Buy ANYTHING on Amazon

I was on the Yahoo page that gives me headline lists of stories, ads, etc. (many of them old, outdated and rehashed from before, but that’s a separate issue…).  They tend to have a thing in the upper right corner with links to 10 things Trending.  One was Chris Hemsworth, so I clicked to see what that was about. 

When I went back to the Yahoo page, one of the items in the list was an ad.  It read:  Buy Chris Hemsworth on Amazon.  Free shipping on Qualified Orders.

Should have checked the price.  Might be too good a deal to pass up, eh?  And if there’s free shipping to boot…