I May Look Like a Grown-up…

but I can’t fathom why anyone allows me near a kitchen.  Whether actual innate clumsiness or simple carelessness, small disasters tend to occur when I become culinary bent.

I don’t even have to turn on the stove, either.

Years ago, I worked such that I put in a few hours in the morning, had several hours off midday, and then went back for an hour or so in late afternoon.  While home midday, I was fixing lunch – dishing some cottage cheese into a bowl.  Bowl in left hand.  Spoon in right hand.  Watch on left wrist.  Then I remembered there was something on TV that I meant to watch so I checked my watch to see what time it was.  Yup.  Entire bowl of cottage cheese now on the floor at my feet.  You think that stuff only happens on TV or in the movies, but no, I can attest to it really happening.  Likely such things on TV or in a movie are based on a real-life event.

Not convinced yet?

I decided to boil some eggs in order to make egg salad.  I put them on to boil and went in the other room, where I became involved in doing something else.  Some time later, I hear a strange periodic pinging sound.  It went on long enough that I wondered what the neighbors were doing down on the patio of our apartment complex, and got up to go see.  No one was outside.  But while looking out the window, I remembered the eggs and thought I should go check on them.  I found the pinging sound.  Eggs that are boiled dry explode.  Egg all over the kitchen – walls and ceiling and floor.

My roommate happened to be housesitting for someone at the time and so was not home, but we worked at the same place.  The next day I went into the office, and stood in front of her desk.  She looked up questioningly and I told her, “There are some things a girl’s mother should tell her.  But, failing that, her older but wiser roommate should tell her.”

Without missing a beat, she asked, “What have you done to my kitchen?”  Sadly, my reputation preceded me.

Fast forward to today.  Decided to make some jello.  What’s hard about jello, right?  Jello packet contents in a bowl, pour in hot water and stir, then stir in some cold water and refrigerate.  Two “ingredients”.  Easy.  Unless you’re me.  In which case, while stirring to dissovle the gelatin in hot water, I attempted to put a potholder under the bowl – and then manage to slosh it on my hand, the counter, the microwave (sitting on the counter nearby) and on the potholder.  Sigh.

Yes, you do have permission to physically restrain me if I’m ever at your house and trying to enter your kitchen.  Best not to tempt fate!


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